April 13, 2010
 

How to do ad:tech/SF: 10 Insider Tips By Gordon Gekko

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10.0 Wear Stiletto Pumps - A MadAve pro is only as good as the feet they step on. This week promises to be particularly busy for ad:tech/SF at the Moscone Center. If you're planning on pushing your way through the aisles - the exhibitors' street of dreams - surrounded by obnoxious, wall-to-wall masters of the universe, make sure you're dressed for battle. Make it a rule to step on the other guy's foot before he steps on yours. No exceptions.

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9.0 Don't buy into twitter's highfalutin hype about founders' Evan Williams and Biz Stone bidding $10 billion for the Pentagon's $11 billion VH-71 helicopter, previously earmarked for the POTUS; for patriotic reasons. Gimme a break. I'm starting to tear up.

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8.0 Act like you're the only one in the room. Guess what? In many ways you are. None of them mean anything, anyway. This is your movie. You're the only one who counts. It's called "one to one" marketing, right? Consider the lifetime value of you to you. Humm a few bars from my favorite Beatles song, "I-Me-Mine."

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7.0 Don't turn your back on the other guy, ever. They have what you want. So be nice; especially if you can find out how they created that new mobile programming code that mixes algorithms like a California Merlot. Tell them your uncle is a partner at Goldman and plays golf with Larry Summers, as your pour them another glass.

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6.0 Get'em just where you want'em. Be a "people person," which means size up everyone you meet and figure out their weakness. It's easy. Go on Google beforehand to search for every negative bit of news on every company who has a booth. If there is none, search for all the good news bits on their competitors. When you approach their booth, lead with either their bad news or their competition's good news before the rep even says hello. Whatever you do, don't shake their hand. If someone grabs your hand to shake it first, take out one of those antiseptic-smelling handy-wipes, wash your hands clean right in front of them and then throw the wipe on the floor.

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5.0 There's a difference between being on a beach and being on the beach If you think they're the same thing, we shouldn't be having this discussion.

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4.0 Not everyone is always going to see things your way. There are ways to get around that. By now you should have memorized the dialogue and lessons from The Godfather, Parts 1 & 2. I'm not going to waste my breath giving you advice here. But if it was me, I'd tell'em to enjoy their last breath as they optimize their search for other concrete shoes off of Coney Island, as they sink faster than Bernanke's influence.

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3.0 Don't let people put words in your mouth. People have a tendency to hear what they want. For example, years ago I was mis-quoted when I was making a speech about the importance of manners. I said "Greet is good. Greet is right. Greet works." Some guy named Stone deliberately twisted it all up. Don't let that happen to you. Just click on any of these photos to hear what I really said.

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2.0 Nice guys finish last. If you can't convert them, you can convict them. Need I say more? I don't think so.

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1.0 Be yourself. Take stock in what you do and make sure it's all preferred. It's about CRM, baby. You're in the new media business, which as you know, is a business of relationships - the one between you and whatever money you've got left.

Gimme a call. Let's have lunch!

$GG$

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