April 13, 2010

Visiting the G-Apple, A Supermarketer Space Odyssey


Project Date: 07/13/2107. Today was my birthday, so my behavior plan scheduled a wave of sentimentality for this special occasion. In all honesty, it drenched me with a feeling I only have once every 20 years or so and sent widget-chills up and down my spine. I loved every mili-second of it. What a treat; to be empowered to consider life as it was 100 years ago. Of course, it was also somewhat saddening. I found myself pitying my poor great grandparents and how they lacked the quality lifestyle and state of the artistic conveniences we have today. Back then, they didn't have G-Apple.

Ever since Google bought Apple Spacecraft from Steve Jobs Jr., in 2057, life in 2107 is so much more exhilarating than it must have been 100 years ago. G-Apple is the best thing that ever hit the solar system.

My refrigerator and I were discussing it. Matey-Tag was, as usual, very objective about it. Matey-Tag just isn't programmed for anything sentimental. If it isn't ROI-friendly her screen freezes. I was determined to not let anything freeze mine, so once I was given clearance, I navigated my sight map coordinates and off I went to enjoy the day.

I decided to go to G-Apple, my favorite Supermarketerer. I'm loyal to them since they found a way to groom the North Pole Slopes when they get so slushy. I wish I could go snow-rocket there more often. G-Apple's plutonium-ware is so versatile. From keeping the North Pole with powder to growing free-range apples.

I will say I was a little nervous back then when George invested our capital in the Hedge-quisition. Mr. Spacely nearly crushed the econo-sphere with those supposedly stable sub-prime Treasury funds. Thank goodness the Micro-Quant fund covered Spacely's risky venture. It didn't hurt that its ownership of the country of Africa backed the stock, given it's prominence as the hemisphere's wealthiest conglomerate.

But sometimes I wish G-Apple wasn't so darn efficient. Before the roll-up 50 years ago, it must have seemed more challenging to visit the Supermarketer frequently, scrolling up and down the aisles, looking for body fuel in all shapes and sizes.

Of course, things now-a-minutes are so much more productive. Back then, balancing career with eating at home with your family pod seems so ancient. I guess they didn't see that spending time with your business family was so much more satisfying than with your designated partner and offspring.


It seems so easy in retrospect that the idea of merging/combining family and career together was inevitable. Social Sec-Fam-Care is the best organization in the Milky Way. It was a very smart idea to move the world's capital to Baghdad, DC since there's no safer place on the planet to raise a family-pod.

I haven't thought much about it lately. I think Senator Jack Bon Jovi brought it up in the last presidential debate. But who has time for such thoughts. I have enough of a problem worrying about programming my children to make sure they give us quality time. It's a 24/7, er, I mean 25/8, job.

I'm still getting used to when Oracle re-programmed the Earth-sphere rotation around the sun station to extend the day to increase ROI. General Sun-ectric has its hands full keeping it heat-stabilized. Larry Ellison's brain is so smart. I'm glad it's at the center of the sun, managing things for us like he's always been doing since spawned. I wonder if President Lourdes II, thinks much about it. Well, she probably already knows, having Madonna as a grandmother.


Once I checked into the Supermarketer I took a deep oxygen breath and let the fresh ingredient aromas bathe me. Like always, I instantly felt the relaxation that only Supermarketers offer. How strange it was back then to stand in line at end of the shopping experience. Why did they check out versus check in upfront? Seems odd to me but I guess it made sense back then.

Like everybody on my hive, I love the produce department the best. I feel safe there. Another benefit today versus back then. How disgusting it must have been to have all those pre-prepared foods. What garbage. How they ever could have called it convenient is beyond me? Of course that was before they outlawed fast food addiction centers as well, 10/10 hindsight.

The Murdoch EverySpace communities are so helpful with maintaining the necessary health hype-levels to help us focus on what's important. His restructuring the self-centered-ness of MySpace was ultimately the right thing to do. Now it's no longer exclusionary. It's mandatory.

I know I can have "Focus on Fresh" preparation tips and new, seasonal recipes market-mailed to me at home, but it's still nice to cobble around the nutrition counter and take a number, like they did back then. I know it's corny but the ritual feels good and must have been a real community builder like it is now, with people standing there waiting for their order. I bet they used that time to get to know each other and share about their day. What fun!


G-Apple's "Forever Life Foods" division has excellent culinary professionals making the most delicious and healthy recipes, and adhere to the Nader-quality control standards. "Forever's" managers are like celebrities these days. I wonder if they were back then. No wonder they are today, since they schedule 4E (exciting-epicurean-experience-events) all 742 days of the year. I'm somewhat jealous, considering the fun they have. I wish I had responded to their job posting: "Indoor/Outdoor, In-store/Out-for, Online/Offline, Real-time/Sublime Unit Wanted." What a slam dunkin that would have been, especially on the court, shooting the M&M's into the virtual donut whenever they take a body exercise pill.

I think I'll always be target segmented to visit the Supermarketer. There's a buzz in the store that's hard to explain. It's still a magnetic destination for the whole family. While I'm not a big fan of the Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavor slot machines, I still admire Ben Stiller and Jerry Yang's taking over the company. Their adding humor flavored yahoo'd widgets was a great idea to teach kids quantum mechanics and be lifeguard while their parents swim to catch a fresh fish.


With my flight pattern programmed, I jumped into the Mini-yota, dealt with "high-way" traffic and headed back to my pod, landing safely on the parking pad. Traffic was a bit...well you know.

Wrapping up my sentimental period, I thought back to what Gramma Chelsea used to say, Starbucks = MC-squared. So I played the equation and Wow, I won! I won that lettuce basket I could ping for, with over 200 strains.

When I scooted home, that was something Matey-Tag could relate to. She's a real friend. It was nice to see her chill-up so much. She made me an rocket fuel-garita with her own secret sauce. I told her I had so much fun that I'm thinking of going back again next year on my birthday. When I told Matey my idea, I could have sworn I saw her moist up. Maybe she's sentimental after all.


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